wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize