Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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