I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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