Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
