I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
