Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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