I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
