my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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