I puked a lego.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
