Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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