I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
