haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
