wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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