Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I deserve this hangover.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
