Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
