So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
third nipple confirmed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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