I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Screwed.edu
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
