I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
