69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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