so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
