Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
