did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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