I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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