I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
