the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
