I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
