yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
