I'm really into asian looking animals
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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