Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
