I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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