Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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