Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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