fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
