I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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