I love black thongs
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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