loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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