so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
