He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
