oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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