I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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