Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
