So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
