Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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