Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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