On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
