If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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