i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize