I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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