Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
