I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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