Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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