great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
