Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
