God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
