girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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