its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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