Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
