i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
