Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize