Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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