We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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