Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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