My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
