why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
