You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
