Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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