You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
