YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
