I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
