Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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