Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
