is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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