Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
