Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
